I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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