jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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