He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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