nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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