at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
