I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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