i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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