i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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