Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
A bitchslap is in order.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
