it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
