just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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