call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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