My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
