I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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