What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
