the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
