What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
