If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
