she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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