I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
