3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
