Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
