One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
