Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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