I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
