TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
