she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
