Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
