I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
