you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
