I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
