Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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