This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
