are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
