I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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