I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
