they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
