We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
i think im in europe. pls send help
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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