At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Can you bring me the toilet please
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
