It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
