I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
