Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
