Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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