i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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