i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
