it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
