Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize