you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
honey bunches of taint.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
