Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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