I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
