He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
