Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
